You were just served with a domestic violence restraining order (DVRO). The order may say you have to stay away from your husband or wife, your girlfriend or boyfriend, and your own children. It may order you out of your own home. And it will set a court hearing in around three weeks.
You do not believe this is fair. You may not even recognize the version of events described in the DVRO petition. But the order is real, the deadlines are real, and the consequences may last for years.
So how do you fight against a domestic violence restraining order and win?
What Is Actually at Stake
Many people who are served with a domestic violence restraining order assume that if they simply stay away from the other person, the order does not really matter. That assumption is a mistake, and often a costly one.
A domestic violence restraining order is not a private arrangement between two people.
- Statewide Database (CLETS): Per California Family Code section 6380, when the order is issued, it is entered into the California Law Enforcement Telecommunications System (CLETS), a statewide database accessible to law enforcement. It can surface on background checks, affecting current and future employment, professional licensing, immigration status, and security clearances.
- Immigration & Criminal Exposure: If you are not a United States citizen, a domestic violence restraining order can carry immigration consequences that compound any potential criminal exposure.
- Firearms Relinquishment: Per California Family Code section 6389, if you own or possess firearms, the order requires that you relinquish them—generally within 24 hours—and file a receipt with the court.
- Child Custody Presumption: If you share a child with the petitioner, under Family Code section 3044, a finding that you committed domestic violence within the previous five years creates a rebuttable presumption that awarding you sole or joint physical or legal custody is detrimental to the child’s best interest. Rebutting this presumption is difficult, and a restraining order obtained today can shape custody for years.
These are just some of the reasons a restraining order is worth fighting. It is not only about immediate stay-away terms; it is about your record, your livelihood, your firearm rights, your immigration status, and your children.
What A Successful DVRO Defense Looks Like
In my career, I have successfully defended many clients against domestic violence restraining orders—sometimes by persuading the court to deny the petition after a contested hearing, and sometimes by defeating the other party’s petition while obtaining a restraining order on behalf of my client. The cases differ in their facts, but the ones that succeed have one thing in common: meticulous preparation.
Case Spotlight: Uncovering the Full Story
Our firm has handled dozens of domestic violence restraining order cases, but one stands out. A distraught individual contacted me after a DVRO had just been issued against them at the request of their spouse—an order that barred them from having any contact with their young child.
It soon became clear what had happened. Over several months, the other spouse had quietly assembled a case: selectively edited audio recordings, staged injury photographs, and other misleading evidence, all gathered before filing the DVRO petition in order to gain an advantage in the looming custody dispute.
When a relationship is ending, the party who anticipates the breakup sometimes files for a DVRO first to gain an advantage. However, the first to file is not always the one who needs protection. Here, our client was the one who had actually been abused and needed protection.
We went to work immediately:
- Filed a Counter-Request: We filed our client’s own request for a restraining order. The court granted it pending trial.
- Built the Defense: We prepared for trial by gathering evidence and interviewing witnesses, including a former romantic partner of the spouse who testified to similar abusive conduct in their own prior relationship with the spouse.
- Exposed Misleading Evidence: At trial, through timeline evidence, witness testimony, and electronic data, we demonstrated that the spouse’s account was false. Most decisively, we obtained the complete, unedited audio recording, which showed the exact opposite of what the edited clip previously submitted by the spouse appeared to show.
The Result: The court granted our client’s DVRO, denied the spouse’s DVRO request, and awarded our client sole legal and physical custody.
Successful preparation is not a single step taken before the hearing; it is the entire architecture of the defense, beginning the day you are served. What follows is how that architecture is built.
Step One: Hire an Experienced Attorney Early
You are not required to hire an attorney. If you spend a morning watching DVRO hearings in family court, you will see that many proceed with no attorney on either side.
However, proceeding without an attorney is, in most cases, a serious mistake—and it is a more serious mistake for the respondent defending against the order than for the petitioner who filed it:
- Rules of Evidence Apply: A contested restraining order hearing is a trial. The California Rules of Evidence apply, and the court expects compliance with legal procedures: trial briefs, pretrial motions, exhibit/witness lists, and discovery.
- The Asymmetry Risk: If the other side has a lawyer and you do not, as a practical matter, you have very little chance of winning.
- Criminal Overlap Warnings: A common sequence is an arrest for a domestic violence offense, followed days later by a DVRO petition attaching a blank response form (Form DV-120). The natural instinct is to fill it out immediately and write, “This is completely false…” That natural instinct can be catastrophic. Anything you write in that response can be used against you in the DVRO case and in any related criminal proceeding.
- Attorney’s Fees: Under California Family Code section 6344, if you proceed to a contested hearing and are the prevailing party, the court has discretion to order the other side to pay your attorney’s fees.
Step Two: Decide Whether to File Your Own Restraining Order
For many people served with a restraining order, the single most important strategic decision is whether to file a restraining order of their own.
If you are genuinely a victim of abuse and have been served with a restraining order by the person who harmed you, you are entitled to file your own request. When the court grants a temporary order on your request, it will ordinarily consolidate both requests into a single mutual DVRO trial.
Strategic Framework: Filing vs. Not Filing
| Scenario | You File Your Own DVRO | You Do Not File |
|---|---|---|
| The other party’s order is granted | Both claims are heard together; the court weighs both sides; mutual findings are possible; your account is before the court. | Only their account is fully before the court; you are purely defensive. |
| The other party’s order is denied | You may still obtain protection and a prevailing position. | Neither party has an order; you have gained nothing affirmative. |
Filing your own request changes the case from a one-sided proceeding into a contest in which your account stands on equal footing.
Step Three: Understand the Response Decision & Its Risks
When served, you receive a blank response form (Form DV-120). Whether and how to complete the response is a strategic decision, not a mere formality.
- Benefits: Where a child is involved, a written response allows you to detail complicated facts before appearing at the first hearing, where the court determines temporary custody or visitation pending trial.
- Risks: Everything committed to writing in a response discloses your position to the other side in advance. There can be strategic value in preserving your evidence for trial rather than previewing it.
Step Four: Prepare Beginning Immediately
The temporary restraining order typically lasts about three weeks before the first scheduled hearing. That is very little time.
- Protect Your Right to a Real Hearing: In most Bay Area counties, the first appearance allows for only a short hearing (sometimes a matter of minutes). Under California Family Code section 245, you are entitled to request a continuance for a long-cause hearing to allow adequate time for a full trial.
- Gather Your Evidence: Text messages, emails, photographs, video, audio recordings, and documents need to be identified, collected, and organized immediately.
- Follow Discovery Rules (Family Code § 6309): In DVRO proceedings, you cannot simply serve discovery or subpoenas as a matter of course. Under Family Code section 6309, pre-hearing discovery requires court permission based on a showing of good cause. This must be pursued as early as possible.
- Prepare and Subpoena Witnesses: Friendly witnesses should still be served with a subpoena to give their employers a documented reason to accommodate their appearance. Police officers will not appear without a subpoena.
- Prepare to Testify: A contested DVRO trial almost always requires you to testify. You must spend substantial time with your attorney going over direct testimony and cross-examination questions. Your credibility on the stand is often the deciding factor in the case.
- File Pretrial Motions & Briefs: As trial approaches, file motions to exclude improper evidence, submit trial briefs, and exchange exhibit/witness lists.
The Standard of Proof & The Special Rule for Mutual Orders
To obtain a DVRO, the petitioner must prove their case by a preponderance of the evidence (meaning it is more likely than not that the abuse occurred). This is a lower standard than the “beyond a reasonable doubt” standard used in criminal court.
The Mutual Order Rule (Family Code § 6305)
When both parties request restraining orders, the court cannot simply issue orders against both people. Under Family Code section 6305, the court may not issue a mutual restraining order unless:
- Both parties personally appeared and presented evidence of abuse.
- The court makes detailed findings that both parties acted as a primary aggressor and that neither acted primarily in self-defense.
In practice, the court must conduct a primary aggressor analysis to determine who the dominant aggressor actually was.
What All This Means For You
If someone has filed a domestic violence restraining order against you, the order may feel like a verdict that has already been rendered. It is not.
These cases are won through preparation that begins the day you are served: hiring experienced counsel, deciding whether to file your own request, strategically handling the response, pursuing early evidence, subpoenaing witnesses, and preparing your testimony. The respondents who succeed treat the three weeks before the hearing as the most important three weeks of the case—because they usually are.